A few weeks ago, I had a follower on Twitter ask if she could call me… at 2am in the morning. I wanted to know what could have been so trivial for this to take place. I contemplated for a few minutes then decided to give her my phone number. I received a call shortly after; she had a huge relationship dilemma and explained that, if things grew more difficult, she would try to speak to me about it. It was a typical case of telling friends way too much about the complications of your relationship, only for them to use it against you when things get rough.
I’m sure a majority of women have been guilty of this…assuming they know what’s best for their friends and judging the decisions they make in a relationship because they chose to open up to you. Now, there is nothing wrong with being a shoulder to cry on or lending an ear when your friend faces a relationship dilemma, but what some can do is use it as leverage and gossip material to make themselves or whatever situation they're in seem better.
Who doesn’t like talking about who’s fucking who, who went on a date with whom or broke up with who? A LOT OF US do. Not all, but a lot. Talking about the sex and love lives of others has always and will forever be an interesting subject that we enjoy discussing. However, how it’s discussed and whom it comes from can be the bigger problem.
I was on the phone with this young woman for over an hour and a half and what she described to me was more than trusting the wrong people. It was the abuse behind the trust she had given them. When you confide in people, you have to be able to separate your real friends from the friends out of convenience! What this caller had done was put her love life into the palms of the latter.
(For those wondering what a friendship out of convenience is, it’s when you create a bond with someone on a simple basis, such as merely having the same classes together. Not only are there no real grounds for your relationship, it’s the furthest thing from being organic, and at worst it’s forced).
When giving and taking advice it’s always important to do so from people who you feel have a genuine and real heart. People say misery enjoys company, but that’s not always the case - being single doesn’t mean you have no experience on the matter, so yes, you can listen to what your single friends think. Emphasis on ‘friends’.
As the conversation with this caller continued, she slowly broke down into tears and explained the times she caught her friends bad mouthing her relationship drama among themselves, yet she still chose to carry on the friendship after an apology. When friends show you who they really are, believe them. Even if it’s not what you expect.
Relationships are supposed to be fun, particularly at a young age. They’re exciting and a way of learning. They shouldn’t be as convoluted as some of us make them. Adding friends to the mix does this by involving them in situations that doesn’t need them.
Has he mistreated you? Is he doing things to you in bed that make you uncomfortable? Does he have irritating habits? Things you haven’t spoken to him about before running to your friends?
When you go to your girls about every altercation,you’re creating a militia who loathe your boyfriend without even knowing it. We all get the urge to vent or talk to someone. As mentioned earlier, there’s nothing wrong with that as long as you pick someone you trust, rather than your whole group chat on Whats App.
Respect his privacy as much as you respect yours, because essentially you both represent each other. It sucks when we talk to the wrong people about our relationship issues. See it as self control, because it’s like the popular saying ‘don’t tell your problems to people; eighty percent don’t care and the other twenty percent are glad you have them.’
What are your thoughts? Have you ever regretted going to your friends about a relationship issue? Tweet & join in the debate with the hashtag #FriendsAndRelationships
Edited by @EzekielThePoet
If you'd like to ask me a dilemma on sex and relationships go to www.ask.fm/Oloni - Or email itsOloni@gmail.com. Everything shared will always be private an confidential unless permission has been personally granted, to discuss or use when featured on Simply Oloni
Make sure you order my brand new e-book titled The Number Between Her Legs it helps women who have been afraid to talk to their partner about the number of guys they've been sexually active with in the past. It also discusses men and women who slut shame and condemn those who are not only sexually liberal, but also have a sex positive attitude. Grab it HERE
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