The Girlfriend Fluffer: WRITERS WANTED

                                               
http://simplyoloni.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/the-girlfriend-fluffer-do-women-give.html

Did you read The Girlfriend Fluffer? Could you relate to it? If your answer was 'YES' to both questions, then you might be a fan of the idea I have.



If you're between the ages of 18-30 male or female and have a story which would relate to being a girlfriend fluffer e-mail me at itsOloni@gmail.com. I'm putting together a special edition for the topic, with the great feedback I received from the blog.

If you're interested or know someone who may be interested, make sure they get in contact with me ASAP.

For any further info feel free to follow or tweet me: @Oloni

Are titles important in relationships?

                                           
How long do you need to move from the ‘seeing each other’ phase to being in a monogamous relationship with a title? In fact, what does ‘seeing each other’ even mean? Sleeping together? Chilling? Talking? Going out on dates??

 There are couples who, technically, aren’t aware of being a couple because no title has been assigned to their situation. It’s as if today’s society are afraid of using the term ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ so, instead, use different phrases to cover up whatever it is they're doing. 

 I knew a couple who were dating for a year before they made it official. She obviously had a lot of patience, because he took his time. Is this what’s normal nowadays? Within that year of dating and probably sleeping together, a title can’t be given? What’s the worse that could happen? It doesn’t work out… Right, you break up, just like every other person in a relationship. Every relationship has its risks. Even those who choose to deny commitment. Emotional investment is unavoidable. But for the sake of being ‘heartless’, people stick their middle finger up at titles assuming that’ll nullify the possibility of drama creeping in. 

 Months ago, I brought this question to Twitter and like always the females had way more to say than the men. Whilst the guys believed that any female who was comfortable with not being given a title was a ‘side chick’. . . Yeah, okay. 

 @makeupmytinab said: ‘A title is a title for a reason, if he can't claim you then you would have to question your relationship on your half’ 

 @missCee_TP ‘Honestly, I hate not having a title because as soon as I'm "seeing" someone I give them much love and loyalty... I can't do "linking"’

 I asked the men how they’d feel if a woman they were dating never wanted to put a title on their relationship @FXL_REVOLUTION responded to my tweet adding: ‘Titles are for show, as long as we know what it is, that is what's important’. 

 @Unkle_K said: ‘I give fully and wholesomely so I need to know where I stand so I don’t become ketchup or coleslaw.’ 

 I carried on this conversation with a couple friends of mine and most of the guys believed that unless the relationship had been for years, boyfriend/girlfriend titles meant nothing today. Whilst a close girlfriend of mine felt that a title on the relationship defined it. 

 Maab, 22, added: ‘Titles are important but only because they define the relationship. Some people can do that without titles, most people can’t. And unfortunately lots of men evade responsibilities/loyalty by evading titles. If it’s important to at least one of them, avoiding titles is the downfall, from which many trust issues will stem.’ 

 She carried on by saying: ‘ You have to respect the people outside of the relationship who may care [about the superficial things like titles]. Not the person who is just nosey & want to know your business. Defining the relationship is not just about the people who are in it sometimes.’ 

 I was once dating a guy who was going through a lot in his personal life so we decided to take things extra slow. At the time I thought being patient and considerate was all I needed to do, but looking back, it wasn’t. If you’re dating someone for over a period of time and you’re both aware of how serious it is, a title should never become a problem. There should never be an excuse to being unofficially official. That’s how boundaries become blurred and rifts occur. 

 From what I’ve noticed from relationships around me, us females allow men to dictate where things are going or not going. 

 Think about it. 

 How many times have you had the ‘Where is this going?’ conversation instead of the ‘Listen, if we’re not official I want out’ conversation. Exactly.

 Admittedly, some people need time, before they take that next step. But, if you’re dating the same person for over a period of time, shouldn’t they be worth taking that next step for?

Black Beauty and Hair Magazine post internship.

Last week Friday the magazine (Black Beauty and Hair) I was interning for finally released their latest issue, which featured my interview with Jennie Jenkins! It’s nice to see the work YOU did as an intern get published all over the UK.

What I don’t think people get is, it’s very rare for any intern to even gain credit for their work, so please understand my excitement. I guess this is just my first step to becoming a journalist, because I still have a whole bunch of glossy mags for you to see my name in!

The Girlfriend Fluffer (Do women give men power?)

I remember a few years ago reading an article by Julia Allison in Cosmopolitan discussing what it means to be a ‘Wife Fluffer’.

Wife Fluffer, n. – The last girlfriend before the wife. The girlfriend who prepares a guy for the woman he'll marry.

It later hit me that although there are women in apparent loving, committed and long-term relationships; it seems that most usually have no idea that they are what Allison calls a ‘Wife Fluffer’. Similarly there are girls who don’t realise that they are in fact the ‘Girlfriend Fluffer’, until they have invested time and emotional attachment into a guy she believes could possibly be her boyfriend but instead is unintentionally prepping him for the next girl that comes along.

Becoming the embodiment of a ‘Girlfriend Fluffer’ typically means showing a man you’re currently ‘seeing’ but not officially with, how much you need, want and/or desire them. You’ll be surprised by how some men lack confidence, until we, as women, have put them on a pedestal and shown them their potential.

So how do we put them on this pedestal?

Simple.

By frequently showing a certain amount (too much in most cases) of love and attention. It’s as if we emit over the confidence they failed to exude prior to the relationship which, in turn provides the guy with the power and a ready prepared positioning in the drivers seat.

When you show an unwavering amount of loyalty to a man, some guys see it and may want to take it to the next step of becoming ‘official’, whereas others could manipulate the situation and abuse it. It’s all about being safe because essentially no girl wants to be a ‘Girlfriend Fluffer’, it never ends in their favour.

‘Girlfriend Fluffers’ give their all into one person without gaining anything back, but to see the man they were with pursue another woman. It would make a girl think, ‘Well why wasn’t I good enough?’. The answer? You probably were, but chances are it had nothing to do with you, but one thing, the power you so willingly handed over.

 Below are 3 different types of Girlfriend Fluffers, if you’re any of them, abort, abort, abort. .

1) The ‘Shooting in the Gym’ girl 
I’m sure, you’re familiar with the Drake line, but she’s the girl who motivates him and pushes him to do better and be better. She’s there for him and his goals, helps him to believe in himself. These type of Girlfriend Fluffers probably turn crazy, because they usually end up on the phone talking to their best friends. ‘I was there for that ni**a’.- Nope you chose to commit as a fluffer.

2) The ‘fun’ type of girl
She doesn’t want anything serious and enjoys the dates here and there, you can really relax with her because you know you have nothing to worry about. The sex is amazing and she’s ready, whenever, wherever. Till later down the line after one of the greatest orgasms, she turns to you in bed and asks ‘Where is this going?’.

3) The ‘I-CAN-CHANGE-HIS-MIND’ type of girl
These are the delusional women who probably give men the biggest headaches as well as love. Yes, both is possible. He repeatedly said from the beginning, he wasn’t sure if he wanted a relationship. So instead, you hang on for months trying to change his mind. You care for him, open up to him and try to build a relationship to show you can both trust each other. You know, the stuff you do when you’re IN a relationship.

Eventually she get’s tired of trying and leaves. The outcome, the next girl that comes along he decides to be in a relationship with. In all these different examples, it still shows how women can give and give to a man, only left to be the fluffer for his next relationship. The worst type of person to give any sort of power, affection or love to, is someone you’re not committed to.

 Maybe the next guy that comes along will be fluffed for us, some girl has to do it.

       Dear Girlfriend Fluffer,    

              

                How can I ever express my gratitude? You taught my man a lot of things, I’m glad I never had to!

I wouldn’t be here without you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Love, The Girlfriend.

x

10 articles of inspiration.

I set myself a challenge just over 3 weeks ago. To write 10 articles about situations, I've found myself in the past, or witnessed. .  something deep and close to me. This isn't just sex, love or bashing men lol. No this is me speaking more about things that not only bother me, but shit other females won't willingly say when they've probably been through it. 

Writers are inspired by lots of things, really we are, mine is through Hip Hop, Sex and the City & bad men  (Don't judge me Adele has over 6 Grammys, she must be doing something right) but I did this, to help motivate myself into writing a lot more, even without inspiration. I believe a true writer shouldn't need inspiration before they come up with a piece, it's a bonus yes definitely, but I can't rely on that alone. 

I want these 10 articles to show my growth from a 19 year old writer who wrote about women knowing their worth to a 22 year old writer, who understands the value of her worth. I see it as practice for one day being able to read my articles in my favourite glossy mag. I just want to concentrate harder on what I love to do which is write, write, write.

I want females to read some of my posts and feel like they've told me a problem and I'm subconsciously answering back, though they've said nothing. I want the guys to sit back and even though they will never understand women, develop some sort of clarity with the things that go through our mind, what we ponder about, the shit that might be serious to us, but mean nothing to them, the little things.

I've already started and will share each post every week, starting from March 13th. 

Pre-Internship jibberish.

A month later &  I'm finally ready to tell you how my experience with Black Beauty and Hair Magazine was.

I wrote like two entries of it on my tumblr. . so I'm just going to pull it up. .  hol up.

DAY 1 & 2


The Diary of a magazine intern: Day 2

I should have started this yesterday to be honest, but I was so friggin tired and annoyed, I just watched Sex and The City (shout out to my nigga Careezy) and fell asleep.

I was shit scared yesterday as I thought I was nearly late. Being late on your first day???. . I made it 10 mins early anyway, thank baby Blue Ivy and screw TFL.

My two editors are real nice, nothing like that bitch from Devil Wears Prada lol. I have a cute desk and a giant Mac, where I always see others e-mailing to apply as an intern. *RAY CHARLES*

Day 1 consisted of research and sorting out Q’s & A’s for a celebrity hair stylist. I have to admit, I loved every bit of it. I enjoy researching about different people and different things, then mapping out questions I know my research was responsible for. The questions I wrote up I was iffy about, my sub-editor loved, which made me more confident.

I also had to respond to a BUNCHH of emails. That was so LONG.

Day 2. . TODAY. Today, it was more about PR. I had to call up different advertisers who feature in Black Beauty and Hair Magazine and ask for new images and Press Releases. I didn’t like the fact I had to call and speak to absolute strangers, but I got the hang of it and even made a couple of friends, who wanted to send me samples of Palmer’s Cocoa butter lip balms. . haha. The whole Press Release thing to me was new. I mean, I’ve dabbled in it, but now I can say I know what it means to get a ‘write up’ for a press release.

DAY 3

The Diary of a magazine intern: Day 3
 After hitting my snooze button over 20 times I finally got out of bed & jumped in the shower. I went into work faceless. Yes that’s right, no make up. Eurgh. lol I had no time.
Anyway  as soon as I stepped into the office I pretty much carried on from where I left off yesterday which was chasing companies for press releases etc. Then I was told to take over the Twitter page since I dabble with Twitter a bit, I mean I use it sometimes and stuff, so yeah. .  ha. 
Today as an intern I learnt NEVER say ‘you can’t’ to your editor. Today she asked if my handwriting was good, because she wanted me to send a package to a fan who had won something. All I thought was ‘Oh fuck, no, no, no’. Seriously I write like a blind man with missing fingers. I showed her my handwriting, but she was convinced it wasn’t that bad, so did it herself. Minutes later it hit me that I should have just taken the bloody marker pen and at least tried. Note to self in future, get rid of the word ‘can’t’. It’s Ugly.
Umm on my first day there was a huge make up guru my editor was trying to get hold of for an interview, but couldn’t. As soon as I heard who it was, my thoughts were literally ‘I’ll get the interview, let me do it, let me do it’ and that’s what I told both editors. They said I could try and I did. This afternoon I got an e-mail from the lovely Jennie Jenkins agreeing to have a Q & A with me to feature in the magazine for March/April. . lol I’m persistent girl, I promise you.


-------

I learnt a lot whilst I was with Black Beauty & Hair magazine. I understood how difficult it is get where you want to be. The importance of grammar! No seriously I nearly got lynched for some of the silliest things, but most importantly how hard working you need to prove you are & never using words like 'can't' but 'try'.

My sub editor also loves her hot chocolate with two sugars.lol.

The magazine I worked on will be out next month, with my interview with Jennie Jenkins inside it. 
I'm stoked.

My job placement

A month ago I decided to apply to different magazines for an internship, to help build the road I'd love to be on one day. After 10000's of rejections, Black Beauty got in contact with me.

I had an interview with them and got a 2 weeks placement with the popular number one, UK black hair magazine. Their magazines, plus other hair blogs etc have become my holy bible since. . 

I start Jan 7th. I'm happy yet scared. . 

Are men intimidated by successful, ambitious and driven women?

‘Are you intimidated by her because she’s going places?’

‘Do her ambitions scare you?’

These were some questions I asked on the popular social network a week ago named Twitter.
One of the responses I had were: ‘Nope, not even slightly. I find females with no ambitions boring. If there happy were there at, where new is there for us to go?’- @IamAlways_Hungry 

We’ll ignore his grammar. . 

The reason I asked this in the first place, was because a conversation with a male friend showed me he felt, how some would say threatened by the ambitions of his new love interest. As much as he liked the new girl he was talking to, he felt intimidated by her goals in life and the places she could be going. Did that make him insecure?  Well yes, duh.

My mum always taught me from a young age, that no man wants to be with a ‘useless girl’. She made it stick into my head that men do not like women, who do not know what they want in life. But for some reason, sadly, I think she may be half wrong. 

Some men do enjoy being with a girl who can’t answer the ‘Where do you see yourself in 5 years?’ question without hesitating a ‘umm’ or a ‘ehhh’. It’s as if it makes them feel like more of a man, because he knows she’s not going anywhere.

If a woman has plans and things she’d like to achieve, shouldn’t this be an attraction? Do men really enjoy being with a driven female or do they just say it, because it sounds nice?
I’d like to think who ever I end up getting married to, was with me through every step of my career and supported my dreams. 

It’s weird but when I think about it a man who is scared to pursue a woman because of what he knows she’s capable of, doesn’t’ deserve to be with any woman. 

I’d like to imagine that women currently in relationships try to motivate their boyfriends and do all that ‘shooting in the gym’ business. This is because it holds so much value. A man will never forget a woman who was there and pushed them towards their dreams. Just like a woman will never forget the guy who supported her ambitions. 

If Sex and the City was a soap.

We’ve had Sex and The City the series and the movie, but in a twist we now have, The Carrie diaries. The new spin off show from the well known HBO network sitcom, but imagine if Sex and the City was a soap.

                                

 I got bored one day, and pulled out my iPhone and started jotting things down about every character if it was really a soap.
Charlotte: Charlotte doesn’t get married to Harry, in fact he’s not in the picture at all. Her turning Jewish did not, I repeat did NOT happen nor did the adoption or pregnancy.
All Charlotte has ever hoped for is a huge family and a nice house with her husband Trey MacDougal. She got the house, but wanted the kids.

Charlotte wanted holidays spent with family and loved ones, instead she’s left resenting Trey for not being able to make love to her. We see a new side to Charlotte we never knew existed, she becomes angry and hurt. She left her job at the art gallery to be a wife, but turns to wine and just a woman who shares a bed with another man, different men.
After 7 years of marriage, with Trey, she not only finds her self cheating with the gardener, but with many other guys, she turns into that ‘up the butt girl’.

Charlotte and Miranda are no longer friends, their relationship is ruined after Miranda catches Charlotte giving Steve head in her house. Steve admits to cheating on Miranda in Sex and the City the movie, and though Miranda thinks the affair with him and Charlotte is over, it isn’t.
Trey decides enough is enough and files for a divorce behind Charlottes back.
Samantha: Samantha has always been sexually liberated, she’s always known how to detach her pussy from her heart.

Marriage has never been her thing and nor have children, even at 50-something- years-old, all Samantha lives and breathes for is good, sweaty, hair pulling, toes curling, clit bouncing orgasms.

We’re all shown through out many series that Samantha has never been the type of woman to allow her feelings to get in the way of her and good sex, a part from when she was with Richard.
Samantha falls in love with Richard and even though he cheats on her multiple times she always goes back to him. She finds it hard trusting a man who’s mouth she’d caught eating another woman out, but doesn‘t want to let him go.

This was the one man, who could always pull one over Sam.
Lunch topics with Miranda and Carrie, were always how Samantha didn’t need Richard and how she could do so much better. They insulted Richard and called him all types of things. ‘Cheating bastard’, ‘government dick’ the usual.

The insults don’t help and Samantha believes she can change him.
She doesn’t. She begins to get paranoid after Richard hires a new young attractive assistant named Tara and thinks he might be cheating again.
From stalking his social activities, to checking the texts on his phone, she begins to turn into a crazy girlfriend.

The arguments with Richard and Samantha gets worse, he denies his scandalous ways and she begins to tells him that she’s leaving.
As she packs her bags, he tries to stop her. Richard ends up grabbing Samantha by her hair and hitting her.

Bruised, scarred physically and emotionally.
Miranda: Miranda has always been about her career. She’s been with her law firm for over 3 years and has yet to make partner.

There’s been no man who has been able to keep her attention like Steve.
With the stress of work and still not being able to make partner, Miranda becomes depressed, she begins to despise the fact she had a baby for Steve and believes that working part time has hindered the fact she can’t get the promotion she’d worked hard for.
Miranda turns into a coke head and feels like the highs will never let her worry about the lows.
Feeling a bit ill, and tired Miranda thinks she might be pregnant for Steve again so goes to the clinic for a check up.  Miranda sees a nurse and finds out she has herpes. As tears roll down her eyes she makes her way home to find Charlotte’s mouth wrapped around Steve’s dick.
Carrie: Carrie our favourite writer, a woman who wrote about sex, but never knew the first thing about love, falls into a mess.

‘ I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.’

We’re taught to believe that John James ‘Big’ Preston is the love of Carrie’s life, but just like shoes Carrie has never been satisfied with her current Manolo Blahnik’s.
Carrie falls pregnant and writes a new book called ‘Single and the Pregnancy’
In this book she talks about her journey from dating a 20- something guy, to finding the love of her life, Mr Big. Her book is based on the type of mother she hopes to be.
To no surprise her book becomes a best seller, she attends book signings all over book stores in New York, but gets an unusual visit, from Aiden.
Aiden confronts her about her pregnancy as it’s not Big’s, it’s his.

Away

Ever feel like you need to get away, or just be away? Wonder in the beautiful city of London town, especially at night. Times like this I rather walk the streets of Soho with my ex as we walk past the sex shops and guess who's male and who's a female.

I just want to get away.